and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize