Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
