If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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