That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
