im having a threesome with these popsicles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize