I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
