how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
