She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
