I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
