My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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