The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bring me that man meat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
