Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
