I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
