I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
