and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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