Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
