R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
