batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
