Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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