exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
