so explain again why im purple
no
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize