it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
