If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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