Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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