just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize