My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think i have two assholes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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