i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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