ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
