I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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