how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
