I skipped work to stalk him.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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