so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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