lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
