I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
