Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude i'm inner monologue high
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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