So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
