I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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