I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
