just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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