guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
