The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
