everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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