My room smells like vodka and shame
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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