why didn't you poke me back
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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