u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
