And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
