I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
