I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
