well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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