i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize