I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
