bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
