R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
