Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this hospital has no fireball
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
