He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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