i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
