you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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