I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
