So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
