just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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