wat bout pragnant strippers??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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