soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
