Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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