you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this beer tastes like vomit already
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
