how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
