You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
