Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize