man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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