i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I cut my penus on the lid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
