Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
