Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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