We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
