just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just high enough for therapy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
