you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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