Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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