pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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