I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
