carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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