Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
