drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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