Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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