i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
