My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
