i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
