Yo dont text me then not text me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
