Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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