i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
