you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
