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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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