hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize