In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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