1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize