Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
