Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
