Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He passed out mid-signature
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My vagina is very pro this idea
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
