oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
