I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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