So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
