I think my fart just growled at me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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