i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
