i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
