apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Found your dick twin last night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
