We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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