I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
