It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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