It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
