I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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