she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
